I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
