soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Randomize
