:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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