he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
