He is an equal opportunity slut.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize