those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
i was born a porn star she said
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
