I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Randomize
