So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
