Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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