Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Randomize
