i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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