One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Semen is not good for contacts.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
