its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
