Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Randomize
