my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
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