Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(856): View more from New Jersey

i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.

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(214): View more from Texas

i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"

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(724): View more from Pennsylvania

I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them

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(352): View more from Florida

i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE

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(304): View more from West Virginia

He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.

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(425): View more from Washington

there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..

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(724): View more from Pennsylvania

Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.

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(770): View more from Georgia

i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?

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(609): View more from New Jersey

Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1

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