she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
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