Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Randomize
