ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
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