He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Randomize
