I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
