Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
even my farts smell like vagina
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
