i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize
