I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
I've blown a few things in my day
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
