I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Fuck appropriateness.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize