At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Randomize
