so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
