guys are only as good as the porn they watch
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Randomize
