Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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