So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
