dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
My cat gives me a boner
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
The feeling are messing with the penis
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Randomize
