my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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