The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
