This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
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