How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
