Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
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