Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
I think my vagina is haunted
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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