Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Use "feeling words"
Yay
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
