That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Randomize
