dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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