wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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