I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
