he shaved USA in his pubs
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
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