I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
