Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
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