Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
