don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
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