this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
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