it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
