Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Randomize
