I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
