The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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