Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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