Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
