i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
