He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize