I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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