GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
My dick has a subreddit
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Randomize
