Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
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