Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Randomize
