Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Randomize
