And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Randomize
