I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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