You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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