i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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