Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Randomize
