After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize