The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Randomize
