Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
