hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
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