Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
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