Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
