I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I could fuck to npr.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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