it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize