i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
