Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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