Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
