sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Randomize
