Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
