weddingsv make me drug and hornr
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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