are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Randomize