I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
