i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
