the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
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