so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
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